Tuesday, May 6, 2025

Martini Mayhem

 


Jeeves’ Martini

as imagined by Richard Agler


Martinis, though rightly understood as classic cocktails, have changed over

the last hundred years. When Jeeves was mixing them for Bertie, the

quality of the gin, and therefore the proportion of gin to vermouth, was

different than it is today.

Still and all, there is no question that were he preparing a proper drink for

the young master, Jeeves would adopt current standards, quite likely, as

follows.


Ingredients


We begin with gin, the soul of the martini. A gentleman’s personal

gentleman would no more use another base spirit than he would

countenance a check-patterned suit, untrimmed facial hair, or purple socks.

A martini is purposefully strong, so gin in the 92-95 proof range is

optimum. There are numerous flavorful gins of lower alcohol content on

the market. They may be suitable for other cocktails, e.g., a gin and tonic or

negroni. (They may also be used as disinfectants.) All of them, however,

create inferior martinis.

There are also various types of gins available today, ranging from

traditional formulations to those from newer, “craft” purveyors. There is no

question that Jeeves would insist on a London Dry gin, though he might

also consider Plymouth, a close and pedigreed variation.

Vermouth, dry, is the martini’s next ingredient. We should pause here and

raise a glass to the genius, whose name is not known to us, but who was the

first to mix dry vermouth with gin and give us this iconic cocktail. Hear,

hear!

There is considerable folklore that prescribes the use of infinitesimal

amounts of vermouth—or even none at all—in the martini. Colorful as these

stories may be, a genuine cocktail, by definition, contains two or more

ingredients. Jeeves would never countenance the omission of vermouth. To


do so is the equivalent of drinking simple, chilled gin. You may find that

enjoyable, and I make no judgment, but it is not a martini.

Vermouth, for those who may be unfamiliar, is a type of wine fortified with

additional alcohol, herbs, and other ingredients. It typically has an ABV of

15–22%.

There are also different types of vermouth. Jeeves would undoubtedly

select one from the Continent, most likely from France or Italy. Vermouth

for a martini should be dry, not sweet, and based on white wine, not red.

A dash or two of orange bitters may also be added. It is difficult to imagine

Jeeves objecting to this.

Olives or a twist of lemon peel are considered appropriate garnishes. If

olives are used, by tradition, they should be odd in number, typically one or

three. Jeeves would no doubt look askance at stuffed olives. The

superfluous ingredients, e.g., blue cheese, anchovy paste, or whatever, are

fine in their proper place—but that place is not in a drink revered for its

purity.

The final ingredient is ice, which we shall address momentarily.


Shaker or Mixing Glass


Classical martini preparation is done in a mixing glass, with a stirring

spoon and a strainer for pouring. Interestingly, Jeeves is often portrayed

holding a cocktail shaker. It is difficult to know whether this is an

illustrator’s whim or simply the way the drink was prepared in his day.

Either vessel is suitable, but whichever is used, the martini, like every

spirits-only drink, is best when stirred, not shaken. (Much of the confusion

on this matter can be attributed to Ian Fleming’s James Bond, who, it

should be noted, was ordering vodka martinis and vespers. Enough said.)

The ingredients are poured into the ice-filled mixing glass or shaker, gin

first, vermouth next, and bitters, if desired, after that. Next, they are stirred

for approximately thirty seconds.


At this point, a certain degree of artistry is required. Stirring enables the ice

to dilute the gin and vermouth to a modest, but not excessive, degree.

Nothing is more disappointing than an over-diluted martini.

Since ice temperatures vary, as does the circumstantial rate at which it

melts, stirring duration needs to be carefully monitored. Jeeves doubtless

knew the characteristics of the ice he was using and, with customary skill,

would calculate the matter with precision.


Glassware


The martini loses much of its deliciousness if it is not served cold. Glasses

should be chilled in advance, and they should also be stemmed. Either the

familiar V-shape or a traditional coupe glass is acceptable. It is imperative,

however, that the glass be held by the stem, lest warming from the hand

cause the drink to lose this aspect of its essence. Jeeves would shudder at

such mistreatment.

A martini glass should hold between four and six ounces, no more. Avoid

oversized “martini” glasses. These are intended for larger cocktails that may

have the martini name in them, e.g., appletini, espresso martini, chocolate

martini, etc., but which are not martinis in any proper sense. The smaller

glass allows the drink to remain cold until you are ready for the next one.


Proportions and Serving


Three ounces of gin, a capful (1/3 oz.) of vermouth, and a dash or two of

orange bitters are what I imagine Jeeves would use today. Stir the

ingredients with the ice, pour into the chilled glass, garnish with olive or

twist, and serve.

It will give satisfaction.


© 2025 Richard Agler

——————

Friday, March 21, 2025

National Pig Day

 In case you weren’t aware, March 1st is National Pig Day. Perhaps it’s meant to be a day to reflect on the porcine contributions to mankind; a day to appreciate pork, in all its forms. 

I spent it sharing the fact that there actually is a National Pig Day with my fellow Wodehousians, and we all understood what that meant for us: a day to celebrate that supreme sow, the Empress of Blandings!

The Empress, in my opinion, has had a most adventurous life. I’m tempted to compare her lot to that of “Babe” or “Wilbur”, only posher. She’s well cared for, well traveled and well admired (despite having the nickname of Piggy Wiggy).

If reincarnation is real, let the most unfortunate soul on earth now come back as the Empress in their next life!

So, let us all raise a piece of bacon in salute of pigs! 🐖

Wednesday, March 5, 2025

Tally ho and hard forward! Yoicks!


This was not part of my plan. Really, it wasn't. But, in the interests of advancing both the march of technology and my admiration of Wodehouse, well, here we are! 

I will put forth my thoughts in this forum. They will be mostly about Wodehouse, but it might be a meandering train of thought that doesn't arrive at the station of making a point quite on time. 

My point for today is this:  I love comedy.  Love it. If it's funny, I will appreciate it. I am a self described word nerd and Wodehouse is one of the authors who feeds my soul, in that regard. Got a good pun? Tell me! A dirty limerick? I am all ears! A brainy play on words? Yes, please!

I've never understood why comic writing is so underrated. Why does it seem like only serious books, dramatic plays and depressing movies are the ones who get awards? I mean, seriously? (Ha! See what I did there?) Why can't humor be just as award-worthy? The story still has to hold our attention and make sense, of which comedy is perfectly capable. Not every situation in life has to be viewed through the lens of negativity or seriousness. The light touch sometimes fits the bill. Sunshine and light - that's the ticket for me. 

Charles Dickens is one of my favorite authors. His stories were not all sunshine and light, but there is enough lightness in his stories to make me appreciate them. Irony and a sharp wit help to lighten the load, so to speak. I could give an example here, but, I won't. Do your own research! 😉

 If you're looking for something brainy and erudite here, you might need to keep on looking. This probably isn't for you. But, if you enjoy laughing and have a great sense of humor, I invite you to make a return visit at some point in the future. Who knows....you might find something to amuse you.

Sunday, March 2, 2025

My (short and quick) Introduction to Wodehouse

 

(from The New York Times)


Pelham Grenville Wodehouse

Born: October 15, 1881, Guildford, United Kingdom
Died: February 14, 1975 (age 93 years), Southampton, NY

A lot happened between those two dates. 

Wodehouse (Plum to friends) was a prolific British author of all things humorous. Song lyrics for Broadway; serials for magazines; movies in Hollywood. But what he's best known for is the irreverent, fascinating and unforgettable characters that he created. Characters who, when their names are mentioned, spark an instant recognition to most people today, almost a century after their creation. Names like Bertie Wooster and his infinitely sagacious gentleman's personal gentleman, (Reginald) Jeeves. Or Clarence, Lord Emsworth, of Blandings Castle, famous in the annals of history for pumpkins and pigs. His lordship's brother, man-about-town, Galahad Threepwood; his long suffering sister Constance; his loyal butler, Beach; and his second-born, Freddie Threepwood. And we won't even touch on the large bevy of his sisters and nieces.
Don't forget his neighbor, Sir Gregory Parsloe, Bart.
There's Psmith, the pioneering journalist And Psmith's friend, Mike, who attended Wrykyn. 
Or Ukridge, who raises chickens, when not running a school for Pekingese dogs.
Don't forget about Jill the Reckless, or Sam the Sudden. Or Bill Lister. 
And, of course, Mr. Mulliner's family stories, told at The Angler's Rest. 
Then there's Cuthbert, as well as Lord Ickenham. 

Honestly, this is beginning to sound like a Who's Who, so, I'll quit while I'm ahead. 
Suffice it to say, Plum was a busy guy, and we fans are oh so thankful for that. With around 90-100 stories to his name, Wodehouse will be amusing... dare I say, ensnaring... future generations to come with his beautiful use of the English language and captivating humor. There is no one quite like him. That is why he was, and will remain, The Master. 








Martini Mayhem

  Jeeves’ Martini as imagined by Richard Agler Martinis, though rightly understood as classic cocktails, have changed over the last hundred ...